So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
