I only kidnapped one of them. chill
that's an acceptable place to lick
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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