We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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