; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
