If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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