yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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