So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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