babies were throwing up all over the place
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
