did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
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i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
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lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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