just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
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I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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