matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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