So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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