worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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