Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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