I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
