she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
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About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
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woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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