3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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