i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
