K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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