She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
