I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
