Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
