She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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