They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
