apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
