what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
