I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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