You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
