so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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