don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
