I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
