My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Let's get the cat blown out
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
