I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
