I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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