I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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