do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
