I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I will pee on everything he values.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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