based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
