the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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