I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
