Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
