she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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