Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
