This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
