I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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