You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
