Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
