just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
