tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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