He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize