I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
