I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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