im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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