I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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