And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
