it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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