dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
