I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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