ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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