Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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