I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
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He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
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I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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