You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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