Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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