so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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