I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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