Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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