just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
